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This year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {